Pag 2
My obstinate and willful travel to China (Wuhan)
About the emancipation of the Chinese women
From my travel in China I understood this: the actual philosophy of life in China, is one of prestations and hard work. People have improved their material existence, and in fact the "American dream" of being rich and successful has also become the Chinese dream, and is promoted on all the levels of the society and showed in advertising and in the way that important buildings are constructed far too big for their purpose. They express the try to impress with the power of a nation , and to believe in the dream of a capitalistic grow and consumption without limit or restriction. But that is a (double) lie. Not only the peak of the grow is reached, but also the millions of Chinese people experience in their daily life that they must very hard work and have not much possibility to break OUTSIDE the vicious circle of being kept captive in that situation.I like the Chinese people and the (ancient) Chinese culture, which is only treated as a residue of national pride, but I don't like at all what China has become: stressful, polluated, materialistic, hurried, very conformistic and repressed in information. Like everywhere in the world, the regime is holding his citizens tangled to let them be obedient and follow the rules.
So for a WOMAN, there is not only the pressure of the pragmatic Chinese way to coop with exixtence: how to get enough money to survive and to take part at that cosumption that has also become the Chinese ideal and target. But because no other ideas are allowed to spread, the common vision about relationships are still very conservative and traditional. In fact, one will almost never speak about relationship, but about marriage. And that famous marriage is just ANOTHER social pressure tool to conform , when the family ties and interferences are imposing their requires. So the woman in modern China is brought under pressure in two ways: in the modern way by the demands of the society of consumption, and in the ancient way by the demands to conform herself to "family traditions". How to be FREE then as a Chinese woman? That is a very difficult task.
When I ask with this finding a friend who lived for several years in China and is married with a Chinese woman,what was his opinion about it, I got following answer: "What you said about the women is completely correct They have to do with two worlds, and must find a balance in it. Many women avoid this problem by going abroad and there then to rebuild their lives. Those who remain in China,will have it more difficult and will be indeed faced with contrasting. Many women want live their lives on their own terms, but that is not always obvious. So it happens often that they get married, have a baby, but then lead their own spiritual lives, away from their husbands. "
So a lot Chinese woman who want to break free, are putting themselves on different Dating Sites, in the hope to meet a foreigner. But in most of the cases they want to have again a material security, so the risk to change from a cage, to another, bit larger and more comfortable foreigner cage, will always exist. And how to coop with losing for a part their family connections that they consider as very important? About that, it is really up to the Chinese women to get a clearder vision about it. Naturally the family bonds are important. But why get they in China almost sacred dimensions? There are really too much people in China: you are watched every moment of the day by thousand others; so HOW to protect your identity and individuality? By CLOOSING yourself from others: Chinese people always talk A LOT with each other, but NEVER about things that really matters. I was remembe-red to that when one day, a woman was loud crying sitting on a step. Everybody was felt very very uncomfortable with that, almost shocked that she showed so much in public. But the poor woman probably got just the message that her mother died. So that's the way the Chinese protect themselves: don't show your real feelings; don't show your real thoughts or problems. So the ONLY medium where it's alowed to show and express feelings is .....in the family: that's the way on which the families ties make their own necessity and vicious circle. A lot of women are NOT happy with those pression and interference of the "family", but to be absolutely on their own seems not to be a valid or preferable solution neither alternative.
Against that problem and background, most of the women are not really up to what it will really demands them: to free themselves from their ties with their country, their life and their family. Not lose them, but just set them selves looseR, and more free from them. And if they want to be free IN China, they will must do just the same. Because it's the task of EVERY free woman or man where ever they live on the world, to say NO to what is imposed them, and to stand for what THEY really want. So if a Chinese woman want to break free from her Chinese condition, she must take the opportunity and the chance when a Westerner man is giving her those. Not ANY Westerner man naturally, but a free minded Westerner with who she can get a relationship of freedom. The Chinese woman must purchase freedom, not wealth.
At the end it'scome down to this: how can a Chinese woman want to have a relation-ship with a foreigner man, if she is unwilling to put a bit looser this "family chain of responsibility" which kept her in that vicious circle? THAT is the basic conflict that I have met. In the practice of dating this culminates sometimes in bizarre contradic-tions: there is really a MASS of Chinese women who want a relationship with a "foreigner", and initially everything runs smoothly; UNTIL they suddenly after a time abruptly quit. After a very promitting start, they suddely stop, without giving a real and aparantly reason. They all want a non-Chinese man, but when the opportu-nity becomes "too" REAL, they are suddenly become aware what it will cost them, and they become scared for the consequences.
So let us emphasize a bit deeper on this Chinese reality: feelings and relationships are not really speakable. Problem: if nobody wants to talk about it, and surely not with the person who is involved, how to do? This has 3 very negative consequences. Firstly: a certain fatality. Fatality concerning the IMPOSSIBILITY of change anything to the situation: the whole question is reduced to accept a "good" situation, and to reject a "bad" situation. But what is "good" and "bad" for a person? So beneath this, lays a short of pueril way to coop with differences of opinions: never talk them out, never discuss them, because that can never make a difference (????).It is also and above all the WORST way to coop with problems: they are denied or reject as "indesirable and bad things". So secondly also a fatality about the POSSIBILITY of things; just the opposite! If there is NOT allowed an investigation of what is, of what will better not be, or what could be done better, there will also never be a vision possible about what REALLY can, or cannot. The answers are in this way always given BEFORE the questions are asked. So, it is NOT about wanting to have a true relationship and to figure out which KIND of relationship one wants, but it will be about all about "marriage". And so, one is a seriuos and acceptable candidate to marriage, or not. Which one must understand: acceptable for the family and the Chinese society. Very strange for me is the IMPACT of the Chinese society on the way of life and the personal life of a Chinese woman. The Chinese culture is very hermetic closed and even oppressing in that: the pressure to let conform is so great, that the Chinese woman has no really a choice. On a lot of levels and ways, the Chinese women are NOT free to become involved with the partner they want and would choose, but they are conditioned to a very conservatory way to be involved with someone, and to a predestinated way to accomplish it. It was HERE in Europe this way, 100 years ago. It has more to do with consacrating social rituals to make OTHERS happy (than the 2 lovers), and with keeping up appearances in the society. With own free will and own choices, this all has very little to do.
So thirdly, that fatality continues in the way one can NOT claim something or someone as his own choice: it will be again "accept" or "reject" by the social system (= "the others"). So a lot of Chinese women, want to become very rich, to liberate themselves from this social imprisoment, but that will still NOT work, because the family will have always her ways to restrain the woman "on the right path", and to demand their share of the cake. It comes because the family bounds are considered to be the ONLY source of solidarity in the hard Chinese society.
The last day it was raining the whole day in Wuhan, so I did not leave the hotel. From my window of my chamber I saw a young woman with her motorcycle slip and fall hardly down. She did not move for a few minutes, so my heart stood still because she could be hardly hurt and nobody seems to take care of her. I wanted to run downstairs, when she began fortunally to move again, to put her belongings slowly together, when cars and busses just ride very next to her further. For me that picture of that unknown woman illustrates the unmercifelless and hardness of life in China for a woman. It's like a giant ant colony: the colony goes inexorably further. If there is falling off here and there an ant, it does not matter: that are "acceptable casualties"; that is the logic of economic necessity and warfare.
I can every woman (and man) recommend to read this very important article from Womb of Light - The Power of the Awaked Feminine : Why it's Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound. It shows how problems or Karma are given from mother to daughter into a society. So for the awareness of that pain of being a woman in a culture, and to be able to break through the vicious circle of generations, it is very important to realise oneself what it COSTS, existentially , to be a woman.
For reading that article, please click HERE